


Forged with Steel

by NymeriaPoisonArrow



Series: Bound by Steel [1]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Ending, Depression, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Major canon divergence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship(s), Seriously romanticised Danse, Sexual Content, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-09 10:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6902350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NymeriaPoisonArrow/pseuds/NymeriaPoisonArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rushed marriage with a man she barely knew. A rushed baby. A failing marriage. Postnatal depression. Her husband's murder. Her baby kidnapped. There are many things which have chipped away at Kit Wood, leaving her feeling broken and hollow. Waking up 200 years in the future to find that her world no longer exists can make or break her. With some guidance though, she can become strong and fierce. She can be forged with steel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't they know it's the end of the world?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic and I'm pretty nervous about it. Hopefully, as time goes on, my formatting and writing will improve as I get the feel for it. I appreciate all kudos and comments, even negative ones. Criticism will allow me to better myself, so don't be afraid to do so.
> 
> So...yes anyway, enjoy I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Skeeter Davis, The End of the World

**[October 23rd 2077]**

Sunlight poured in through the windows, filling the room with light and warmth. The exact opposite to how I felt. Inside I felt cold and numb, like I was trapped in eternal darkness.. Shaun was crying across the hall. Again. I shut my eyes, hoping that if I ignored it, it would go away. _He_ would go away. Most mornings started like this. Shaun would cry, I would ignore him and then wait for Nate to come in and berate me. It was just a matter of waiting for my husband to enter the room now. I lay on my back staring at the cracks in the plaster on ceiling and counting the seconds passing by. I could feel the headaches starting again and I thought briefly; how did we end up like this? We were once so happy. How did so much change in less than one year? We were so happy when I told Nate I was pregnant. So, so happy.... 

_"A baby? An actual baby? I'm going to be a- we're going to be parents?" The joy was evident in his grey eyes and I could see them beginning to get watery. Tears threatened to spill over as he beamed up at me. His happiness was contagious and I could feel myself grinning back, all my fear about telling him, melted away. I had nothing to worry about. He loved me. His hand splayed out over my stomach in awe and he start making baby noises at the barely visible bump. This was real. We were going to have a baby. We were going to be a family. His eyes gazed up through dark lashes and he ran his finger along his bottom lip, his brow slightly furrowed. "You know my parents are going to think we got married because you're pregnant. How far along are you?"_

_The last few months had been a whirlwind. I got my job at a law firm as a divorce lawyer and then I met Nate after what happened at Anchorage. After one month of knowing each other, we had eloped before he had to go back, much to his parents' chagrin. Our relationship had been so fast paced the whole time and his parents never exactly approved, they didn't hide that fact either. But it didn't matter what they thought, as long as it made sense to me and Nate._

_In the moment, everything felt perfect and it was easy to forget about what Nate's parents thought. "I'm about five weeks. I'm thinking that it happened just before the wedding." He pressed his lips against my stomach._ _What did I do to deserve this life? How did I get such a caring and loving man for a husband? "I love you KitKat", his pet name for me brought a smile to my face. He stood up to kiss me, all of his love poured into it. It was times like this, that I could block out the threat of another world war, the riots that broke out over the increase in prices for things like gas or medicines, the fact I hadn't spoken to my father in over five years or the days when Nate was trapped in the past of the war. Because in this moment, we were happy. So, so happy..._

"For Christ's sake Kit,  _our_ son is crying again. You could try acting like his mother for once." Right on cue. His grey eyes looked almost white, so cold and full of disgust. The love that once filled them was now gone. He looked dead-eyed at me, waiting for me to move, to reply, to do anything really. But I couldn't. A part of me wanted to, to prove to him I was still the woman he loved. But it was like my mind and body were detached, so I stayed there and watched as he left to go across the hall. My eyes traced the lines veining across the plaster work above me. 

_Nate don't leave me._

Shaun's crying stopped and I heard Nate cooing to him. After I had given birth, Nate stayed behind instead of heading out on another tour, so he could look after Shaun. Everyday I could feel the regret he felt, it clung to him like a perfume.

The light tune of Shaun's mobile be heard before Nate closed the door over and walked down the hall. I could hear the shower running as he entered the bathroom and began rehearsing his speech for the veterans. 

Right... he had his gala tonight.

 _Time to get up now Kit. Time to get dressed and be happy._  

Mechanically, I instructed myself to get up and go on with the day. Lately my days consisted of staying in bed just staring at the ceiling, waiting for something to change. Every so often Nate would remind me to bathe or eat or drink. He used to do it so lovingly. Codsworth would do it if Nate couldn't stand to look at me. I found the Mr. Handy doing it more often lately. Sometimes it looked as though it pitied me, that is to say if robots could demonstrate emotions properly.

While Nate was in the bathroom, I found the box I stored in my bedside dresser, hidden under my clothes. It wasn't often that I relied on self medicating to cope. I didn't like the idea of it after what happened to my father. But today was different, today I had to pretend everything was fine and normal, play the part of the happy and supportive housewife while Nate accepted his award and gave his speech at the Veteran's Hall.

Opening the bottle I hesitated while taking a pill out, _it's just one day,_ staring at the tiny little capsule in my palm before swallowing it. Immediately I could feel the effects of the Daytripper and the pain went away. The headaches died down and I could function like a normal person.

Codsworth hovered near the stove making breakfast, he stared at me with interest as I entered the room - it was rare that I was up before noon these days. "Ahh mum, good to see you up and about. May I offer you a cup of coffee?" I accepted the offered cup, the aroma of the black liquid filling my nostrils and the hot drink scalding my throat. Nate came out of the bathroom and briefly glanced in my direction with surprise before he could suppress it. He sat at the breakfast bar reading the paper, though I could feel his eyes scrutinising my movements, but if I closed my eyes it was almost like it used be, before Shaun, when things were good.

That is until Shaun start crying again.

The blood in my veins ran cold and I froze on the spot, the coffee suddenly tasting bitter. Codsworth offered to take care of Shaun before Nate stopped him. "No, that's alright Codsworth. Kit can do it" he looked at me coldly, waiting. This was his latest tactic in trying to get me to bond with our son. Before he used to hold my hand while I went into the Shaun's room. Now he just threw me in the deep end and watched as I struggled to stay afloat.

The robot began to argue that he didn't mind but Nate cut him off; "She needs to learn Codsworth, we can't hold her hand forever."

_Deep breaths, slow, deep breaths._

Mentally I went through my list; _five things I could see, four things I could hear, three things I could touch, two things I could smell and one thing I could taste._ In that moment all I could taste was the bile climbing up my throat infused with the cold coffee. _Inhale, exhale._ I could do this, he's my son. How difficult could it be? 

_The nurse held him out to me, waiting for me to take him. I accepted the small bundle into my arms, expecting to feel the overwhelming joy as I met my newborn son. For the last few months, this moment was all I had thought about. As his weight settled in to my arms though, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of pure dread and fear as he start crying. It was too much. He was too small and too soon. I needed more time. My fear of being an inadequate mother was all I could concentrate on as tiny baby screamed in my arms, squirming to escape my grasp. I tried to soothe the newborn but that seemed to make him cry even harder._

_"Somebody take him away from me" I pleaded with desperation. The nurses looked at me with confusion and tried to calm me down with empty words about how all new mothers are nervous. Nate clasped my shoulders trying to comfort me, "Shh Kit, baby it's fine. You were amazing hon, look at our son.-" I shook my head, eyes shut tight and tried to get Nate to take the child."_

_Come on Kit just look at him, he has your eyes. He's beautiful. He's our boy. Kit, baby, please?" They didn't understand. Why could no one see I wasn't equipped to handle this? I tried to tell them again but my words came out choked as the oxygen was cut off. My throat was tightening and I couldn't breathe. The air was too warm and the room too crowded. I needed to escape. "Get this fucking thing away from me!"_

Postnatal depression they called it. I had heard that some mothers suffered from it, but I always thought it developed weeks after birth, I guess I could have been an exception. They said it could last weeks or months but that it was perfectly natural. Natural? I felt  _indifferent_ towards my child. It wasn't that I hated him, I felt nothing. I had carried him for almost eight months and suddenly he was gone but at the same time, he was here, a constant presence in the background.

Nate had been understanding at first, held my hand as I tried to bond with Shaun. And I tried so hard, everyday I would just look at him hoping to feel something but all he would do is cry and I couldn't handle it. The more he cried, the more distant I became. Eventually Nate's patience ran out when I was put on leave from work.

They said it was too early for me to return to the firm but I had to escape. I needed something to occupy my mind besides my thoughts. Nate had brought Shaun with him into the firm one day to surprise me with a picnic. Here he was, in the one space I thought I could escape to. The panic caused me to lash out and I was put on indefinite leave. I don't remember much...it was like I had just blacked out. Nate's parents were influential people, partners in the firm, so they had the whole scenario covered up. 

He laid there in his crib. Pink and wriggling, like a worm, swarmed in blankets. I approached carefully, as though my presence would set him off like a bomb. His crying quietened down and he gazed up. His eyes, a startling green with flecks of gold like mine, bore into my own. He had kicked his blankets off and when I tried to fix them his tiny fist gripped my finger. I was shocked by the contact, afraid to move in case I ruined the fragile moment.

I stood there, watching him move and his eyes met mine again. I turned the mobile over his head and a giggle bubbled through the room. It was so light, almost musical and I felt tears in my eyes as I smiled. I stood there for a time just staring at the small form in the crib, not quite sure what to do. Nate had come down once to check on us when he heard no crying. He had stopped in the doorway and left saying he was going to go get the camera.

Time dragged on and Nate still hadn't returned and I was beginning to get nervous. There was a crash of ceramic against the floor from the kitchen followed by sirens ringing out loud and blaring on the television, intruding on this perfect moment. Nate ran in with a crazed look of pure terror in his eyes, which looked almost black as the pupils swallowed up his irises. His eyes flicked from Shaun to me, his chest was rising rapidly as his breathing increased. "Kit, it's happening. They're dropping the bombs! The vault. We need to get to the vault. Kit, I need you to find our papers. I'll take Shaun. You can't zone out now, I need you to focus."

_Bombs?_

The word took a while to register in my head.

_But, if they were dropping the bombs, that meant the war was over before it had even properly started. The bombs would destroy everything._

Even then, an eerie calm came over me as I realised the danger we were in. It was almost funny when I thought about it. Everything would be finished before it even began. A laugh threatened to escape my lips as I tried to focus.

_Papers...for the vault._

The vault which we had fought about for months. Nate's parents had signed us up when they heard I was pregnant and with their influences, we were near the top of the list. I didn't want to live underground for the rest of my life when everyone else was dead. I had wanted to enjoy my time left with my sister and Nate, but of course, Nate was all about self-preservation.

I stood in utter silence in Shaun's room, still in disbelief, when Nate came back in with Shaun in his arms. He was shouting at me to move and when I didn't, he slapped me. My cheek stung where his palm had connected with it but I snapped out of my catatonic state and sprung into action.

It was strange that in a time like this, all I could think about was my father and his work. I remember him teaching me about the beta receptors, when he was researching the effects of some new cardio miracle drug for some mega company. How they increased the heart rate and breathing rate and were responsible for the natural instinct: fight or flight. Fight or flight... you always hope you're the type of person who will fight, the person who will know what to do. Nate's years in the military had trained him to fight. And fight he did, he held Shaun to his chest and dragged me as we ran through our small suburbs. People gathered in the street and just held each other. Dogs barked as the sirens blared out and vertibird hover crafts flew over head. 

Everything blurred together and every so often I would focus one small piece of the picture; the colour of the leaves as they reflected in the stream, the tear stained faces of people I knew, the chain link in the fence as we ran up the hill to the gate. After a heated conversation with the guards, we were let through. Orders were given and we were guided upwards to the vault on the hill. Behind us, I heard the screams of people as they were denied entry, but I couldn't focus on that as Nate continued to pull me onward. We were pushed onto a cog shaped platform and stood in utter silence, waiting for more to come. No one did. It was a tense silence as people clung to each other, some crying, others just holding their loved ones with their expressions blank.

There we stood, on the platform as the first bomb was dropped. The sky became saturated in brilliant reds and oranges and looked like it was on fire. On the horizon, we could see the giant mushroom cloud as it reached higher in the sky. The air became clouded as the effects of the bomb rippled through and I couldn't breathe right. Nate placed his hand on my face, where he had hit me earlier, my cheek still smarting, his lips were moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying, a high pitched buzzing was in my ears.

All I could focus on was that sky, as we were plunged downwards into the abyss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made Shaun a premature baby just so the whole time line would make more sense.


	2. **ANNOUNCEMENT**

Apologies for the false alarm of a new chapter in such a long time. After many months away and many more failed attempts of trying to pick up where I left off, I have decided to completely edit this story. I wasn't happy with where I was taking it and got bored easily while writing it. So I can only imagine how you guys felt while reading it. My heart just wasn't in it anymore.

So I have deleted all of my chapters that I had posted previously, save the first one. I am going to redo the story and post again once I am happier with it. I am keeping a lot of the chapters I had posted previously. But I will be adding in stuff or adding extra to change the story slightly. The ending will still be the same, I'm just ** _slightly (but a bit more than slightly)_  **changing the path route to the ending is all.

I wish I could say I spent the last 9 months writing more for the story but I can't say that. I lost all motivation to write and simply gave up. I'm hoping that now I will be ready to start again and continue. 

 

Here's to the future,

Nymeria. 


End file.
